Wednesday, March 28, 2012

When a Girl Decides to Make the First Move: Your Awesome Guide in Confessing Your Feelings!
This was a guest post by my friend, Angge.

"I'm also just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her."

Familiar with the lines? Maybe you are one of the girls who gave Julia Roberts a standing ovation when her character as the superstar Anna Scott confessed her feelings to an ordinary guy named William Thacker, played by Hugh Grant, in the romantic comedy film 'Notting Hill'. If this line baffled you, maybe you are a guy who's not used to a girl being vocal to her feelings. If you are totally clueless and cannot relate on stuffs like this, please... you may want to stop reading the blog and watch the movie first so that you can relate to this blog entry. Hehehe.

Anyway, I tried to be Julia Roberts once and told a friend that I'm in love with him — twice! Yup you read it right. Twice! But don't think that's so easy for me to tell my friend that I love him. I'd rather be blunt than to be suppressed with the emotions I'm trying to keep. I'm not being arrogant here, I'm just being honest. And I'm not trying to make things complicated between me and my friend, I just feel like betraying him if I can't be honest with my feelings for him.

So, I asked some guy friends about how they would feel if a girl confesses her feelings to them. One of them told me that it was awkward especially if he doesn't like the girl but in the end it can be flattering, too! Some guys would still think that it's not normal for a girl to be the one who make the first move (or confession). Some guys are cool with it. However, there are some guys who take advantage of the girl's feeling and snatch not just the girl's heart but also her dignity and virginity.

I guess I'm just lucky enough to meet a guy who doesn't take advantage of me and understands how I feel.

Girl's Guide on How to be Awesome in Confessing One's Feeling for the Guy That She Loves Most

From Oricon High School animé

Telling vs. Asking

Before you rush up and do something silly and tell the object of your affection that you love him, think first, be prepared, and ask yourself these questions: 1) can you do this?; 2) are you willing to compromise your friendship?; and 3) are you really in love with him or you just love the idea of being in love with him?

Before I told "the guy" that I have some "love" feelings towards him, I asked myself first if I'm really feeling something special for him. I thought about it a lot. Several times that is! Will he understand? Will this be liberating for me? Or perhaps will it make everything more awkward between the two of us?

Sometimes, telling someone that you like or love him has its advantages and disadvantages. It is important to ask yourself if you are just doing this because you want him to know how you feel and/or you are expecting something in return. If your real reason is the former, I suggest you forget about the confession. Remember, you are TELLING him that you love him, and NOT ASKING him to love you back. Those are two different things. You have to make it clear to yourself that you are just expressing what and how you feel so your intention/s (if there are any) will also be cleared when you tell the guy about it.

Woman of Steel

If you already mustered enough courage to tell him how you feel, keep in mind that courage isn't enough. You must be humble enough to accept rejection. Your heart must be made of steel — so hard as steel so it can handle the painful part of rejection and melts with fire to stay in love despite the rejection. But of course, you must be gentle enough and still act as a woman.

In expressing your feelings, control your emotion first. Feelings and emotions are again two different things in this situation. Share with him what you have deep down your heart without being overly dramatic. The situation itself is heavy with drama so you don't need to add up more. And of course, a little prayer would also help. (Novena to St. Dwynwen and to St. Jude (for hopeless cases) would help A LOT.)

And last, don't ever (100x) expect that he will love you back. Always remember that love is a two-way street, a give-and-take relationship. Yes, he might give you credit for your courage but of course, it doesn't mean that he would return the feelings to you. Every girl must understand that sometimes, even if we go miles away for love it will not always be reciprocated. 

Loving someone entails sacrifice and pain. Real and sincere love doesn't keep records and understands. If the person you love can't love you for whatever reasons he may have, learn to live with it. After all, love is the most important thing in this kind of situation, not relationship nor mutual feelings.

If you are not lucky enough to end up with him, don't close yourself to others. Learn to forget him and wait for the right person. Who knows, the next time love comes your way, you will be the one who will listen to someone else's confession of his undying love for you.

Exactly how I feel at the moment...

Friendzoned But Happy

I am not lucky enough to have my feelings reciprocated but I'm really thankful that we are still friends and I am happy with my current relationship with him right now. We might not have that "love" relationship but our friendship gets stronger and deeper.

I must admit that I keep on falling for him despite all the rejections. I know someday I must forget him and go on with my life without him. But for now, I'll be contented with me just being friends with him. Love doesn't have to be always painful it is supposed to be a positive emotion. Being happy in love doesn't mean that you always have to be loved back, it only means that you choose to be happy despite the pain of unrequited love.

And for all women of the 21st century who are like me who confessed their love to the man who they truly loved, here's an Adele song for all of us!

*Inspired by Adele's One and Only*

(Adele's performance of One and Only at the Royal Abert Hall)


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